So another year dies....and a new one is born from the ashes. I always did like the image of the pheonix.
May your new year be great....and may you get everything you wish for.
Sunday, 31 December 2006
Saturday, 23 December 2006
Seasons Greetings
Whatever your religion, whatever you belive.
May the new year bring the best for you and your family.
May the new year bring the best for you and your family.
Wednesday, 6 December 2006
Is this the world that we created?
Im a idiot.Or so it would seem.The way the world is going at the moment im not allowed to make my own choices or decide things for myself. Example.Recently the BORAT film came out. In the uk a civil rights group objected to it saying that it would give people the wrong idea about Kazakhstan. When it was pointed out to them that the film was not making fun of Kazakhstan but instead showing how quick and easily people could belive these things about a country them dont know about, the group responded with "we understand this. But we feel that most of the audience of the film will not be intelligent enough to tell the differance"So what they are saying is....your too stupid to understand the film...so its better that it dosent try.Im feed up picking up a bag of nuts and it saying "contains nuts" on the packaging. When i see that christmas partys have been cancelled because risk assesments havent been made on mince pies it makes me mad.The world is full of idiots and its getting worse by the day.I was in london at the weekend. While waiting for the tube i looked around...people keeping to themself...only looking downwards. The train pulled into the station and people started to get onboard. I stepped forward...but then stepped to the side to let three young women on first. They looked at me as if i was a lunatic.. On the train i asked them why they had reacted that way. Aparently that was the first time in 4 years that anyone had let them go first onto the tube....no-one ever lettomg them on ahead. Its not like the train was busy...but still people push forward....I WANT TO GET ON FIRST.I bought a external drive for my comp the other day."are you using that for buisness or personal use?" asked the cashier."why?" i asked"if its buisness...i cant sell you it...you have to order it.""its for personal use" i replied."what are you going to use it for?" he asked"none of your buisness" i replied.You cant even buy stuff without being asked what your going to use it for.When did it become like this? Were we out partying when the law was changed. Are we so bad that we need people to tell us everything?"we dont have this dvd instock at the moment""why not? there are about 20 cases on the shelf""its not out yet""if its not out yet....why is it at no1 in your chart? it cant be no1 if its not out yet""we expect it to go to no1 when it comes in""how will i know when it comes in?""it will be on the shelf""but its on the shelf now...and its not in""in that case youll have to come back when its in"War and famine and hatred. But its the little things like this that will damm us all
This rant brought to you through jolt cola and suger high. With help from lack of sleep.
This rant brought to you through jolt cola and suger high. With help from lack of sleep.
Monday, 4 December 2006
Cats,Clubs and Comics
So london on saturday was good. I dont need to bore you with the details. It was me, a saturday night and london. You can imagine what happend ;)
But then it all went wrong.
The house that i was staying it is owned by a friend of mine. He has two housemates. And they own two cats.
At around 2 in the morning i had a allergic reaction to the cats and started coughing and loosing my breath. By 3, every time i sat down or stopped moving, my throat would clam up and i would stop breathing. Some time after 4 i managed to lock myself in a room the cats hadent been in much and get about 3 hours sleep.
Even now, almost 24 hours later, my ribs are aching from coughing, my throat feels like its full of hair and my back aches from sleeping on the floor. All in all, not the best way to end the night.
Although i did laugh to myself at one point. As my breath stopped...i looked up and the fridge infront of me and thought..."the last thing im ever going to see is a Tom of Finland fridge magnet"
So...the rest of my friends spent sunday at the house. I left early and headed back to the center of town.
London on a sunday morning is a gray and lifeless place. Gone are the bright lights and noise of the night before, only to be replaced by the rubbish blowing against shuttered shops. The people drag themself along the road, never looking like they know where they are going or where they are coming from.
Even Soho is the same. The cafe`s are still full of life....gay couples sipping coffee and reading the papers to each other. The occasional shopper going into a bookshop before heading to the sex shop below it. But apart from that, you would be forgiven for thinking that your in anytown, UK.
Eventually after what seemed like days, the shops started to open up. So in desparate need of cheering up, i headed into Forbidden Planet. For those of you that dont know what that is, imagine the worlds best comic shop, mix it with a great bookshop, throw in film memorabilia and a dash of nostalga...and your pretty much there. I can spend hours at a time loosing myself in there. Theres something like 20miles worth of shelves in the place...and they seem happy enough to let you wander about reading stuff.
I picked up a few birthday presents for people, looked at some stuff i wish i could afford, then headed back home, a small smile back on my face.
So that was my weekend. Some ups, some downs. But mostly....coughing and pain.
But then it all went wrong.
The house that i was staying it is owned by a friend of mine. He has two housemates. And they own two cats.
At around 2 in the morning i had a allergic reaction to the cats and started coughing and loosing my breath. By 3, every time i sat down or stopped moving, my throat would clam up and i would stop breathing. Some time after 4 i managed to lock myself in a room the cats hadent been in much and get about 3 hours sleep.
Even now, almost 24 hours later, my ribs are aching from coughing, my throat feels like its full of hair and my back aches from sleeping on the floor. All in all, not the best way to end the night.
Although i did laugh to myself at one point. As my breath stopped...i looked up and the fridge infront of me and thought..."the last thing im ever going to see is a Tom of Finland fridge magnet"
So...the rest of my friends spent sunday at the house. I left early and headed back to the center of town.
London on a sunday morning is a gray and lifeless place. Gone are the bright lights and noise of the night before, only to be replaced by the rubbish blowing against shuttered shops. The people drag themself along the road, never looking like they know where they are going or where they are coming from.
Even Soho is the same. The cafe`s are still full of life....gay couples sipping coffee and reading the papers to each other. The occasional shopper going into a bookshop before heading to the sex shop below it. But apart from that, you would be forgiven for thinking that your in anytown, UK.
Eventually after what seemed like days, the shops started to open up. So in desparate need of cheering up, i headed into Forbidden Planet. For those of you that dont know what that is, imagine the worlds best comic shop, mix it with a great bookshop, throw in film memorabilia and a dash of nostalga...and your pretty much there. I can spend hours at a time loosing myself in there. Theres something like 20miles worth of shelves in the place...and they seem happy enough to let you wander about reading stuff.
I picked up a few birthday presents for people, looked at some stuff i wish i could afford, then headed back home, a small smile back on my face.
So that was my weekend. Some ups, some downs. But mostly....coughing and pain.
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
By god i feel good.
But then...that could be the two bottles of kick that i just drank. Thats another 300mg of caffeine in my body, helping my head feel like its trapping in a Lynch film. (and im talking more Eraserhead than The Straight Story)
Work is KILLING me at the moment, breath by breath seems to be a struggle. Converstations seem to take weeks, with nothing being said, but being said at a very slow rate.
Now with the caffeine in my body i feel like im on speed. All i need now is some music and a naked body to press up against and it will be like my old drug days.
And talking of partys, im hitting london on the weekend. Not sure where we are going yet...but a night out in london isent anything without a trip through Soho. Shouting at the c-list celebs as they come out of Groucho`s before slipping into The Pitcher and Piano., pushing through a maze of the rich and good looking so that you can throw back a 20 year old whiskey. Hope against hope that its going to be one of those good nights that feels like its lasting forever (the last night i had like that was at fi`s club, watching her dancing as time starts to slow down, every move like its being made in treacle, a slow smile spreading on my face as the music hits me like a hammer).
If we make it to camden then i have to hit my fav, The Worlds End Pub. Some dont like the place...but its CAMDEN....all the good...all the bad....mixed together. Where better to see all life than at the Worlds End?
wait a moment...i need to put some music on.
Thats better....i seem to have a small addiction to the Editors at the moment.
"You're answering questions that have not yet been asked All sparks will burn out in the end"
where was i?
Oh yes...London.
I hate it, i love it. It makes me laugh. it makes me cry.
When i was 13 a went down to london for the first time. Standing on oxford street i watched the everyday people walking along, a robotic procession of the same people in the same clothing, listening to the same beat in the head, wanting the same things, buying the same things.
As HOLE said "I went to school in Olympia. everyones the same, and so are you! in Olympia, we look the same, we talk the same, we even fuck the same"
Then i stepped into the allyways.
Down streets, through archways, across garbage strewn walkways. There you find the real people of london. The punks, the gays, the goths, the indie kids, the strange, the lost. There you can see the things that make life worth living and the things that make life so scary.
To a 13 year old it all seemed so new and different. Im from a small fishing village in the hills of scotland, but this felt more like home to me than my real home.
I still feel the same all these years later.
I could never live there. Some of the magic would die if i did. But the visits...ahh the visits.
I need more caffeine.....................
Work is KILLING me at the moment, breath by breath seems to be a struggle. Converstations seem to take weeks, with nothing being said, but being said at a very slow rate.
Now with the caffeine in my body i feel like im on speed. All i need now is some music and a naked body to press up against and it will be like my old drug days.
And talking of partys, im hitting london on the weekend. Not sure where we are going yet...but a night out in london isent anything without a trip through Soho. Shouting at the c-list celebs as they come out of Groucho`s before slipping into The Pitcher and Piano., pushing through a maze of the rich and good looking so that you can throw back a 20 year old whiskey. Hope against hope that its going to be one of those good nights that feels like its lasting forever (the last night i had like that was at fi`s club, watching her dancing as time starts to slow down, every move like its being made in treacle, a slow smile spreading on my face as the music hits me like a hammer).
If we make it to camden then i have to hit my fav, The Worlds End Pub. Some dont like the place...but its CAMDEN....all the good...all the bad....mixed together. Where better to see all life than at the Worlds End?
wait a moment...i need to put some music on.
Thats better....i seem to have a small addiction to the Editors at the moment.
"You're answering questions that have not yet been asked All sparks will burn out in the end"
where was i?
Oh yes...London.
I hate it, i love it. It makes me laugh. it makes me cry.
When i was 13 a went down to london for the first time. Standing on oxford street i watched the everyday people walking along, a robotic procession of the same people in the same clothing, listening to the same beat in the head, wanting the same things, buying the same things.
As HOLE said "I went to school in Olympia. everyones the same, and so are you! in Olympia, we look the same, we talk the same, we even fuck the same"
Then i stepped into the allyways.
Down streets, through archways, across garbage strewn walkways. There you find the real people of london. The punks, the gays, the goths, the indie kids, the strange, the lost. There you can see the things that make life worth living and the things that make life so scary.
To a 13 year old it all seemed so new and different. Im from a small fishing village in the hills of scotland, but this felt more like home to me than my real home.
I still feel the same all these years later.
I could never live there. Some of the magic would die if i did. But the visits...ahh the visits.
I need more caffeine.....................
Monday, 27 November 2006
Sometimes i think im the only one.
Am i the only person that appreciates the sexyness of women...instead of just going for the fact that they are party girls?
At work...a day wont go by without someone saying how sexy Lindsey Lohan is....or Jordan....or any other number of so called stars. Yet show them a picture of someone like Scarlett Johansson or Cameron Diaz and they are "oh no....they are to smiley/normal looking/small breasted"
More and more i tend to fancy women that COULD be the girl next door....although admitadly not very likely.
For Instance...the above picture is Jewel Staite. Not your average glamour woman. But i think a woman that looks like this is FAR more attractive than someone like Paris Hilton.
I also seem to be turning into one of those "we use to have good music back in my day" type of person. But the thing is...they music i like IS modern...infact more modern than the stuff playing on the radio.. If i have to hear James Blunt singing one more song...im going to blow my top.
The radio seems to forget that bands like The Long Blondes exist. Its only when they think that there is a chance that they might have spotted the next Kizer Chiefs or Killers that they bother to play anything thats not top 40 pop. And if its not a hit straight away...back in your indie box you go.
Im still to young to turn into a grumpy old man. A still want to hear new music...to read new things....to have good hard long sex.....to ENJOY LIFE. Unfortunatly...the uk seems to be in a slow downward spiral, leaving behind the flotsam and jetsom of chav life. Gone are the days you could watch something on tv and it would truly challange you. Now you have to watch Eastenders and talk about it at work the next day......and god help you if your not a football fan.
I would move to another country...but where to go? the USA is just as bad.....or atleast seems so to me. Australia is too hot for me....and most other countrys i dont speak the language...and im not going to be one of these english people that moves to another country and expects the locals to learn english just so they can talk to me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, 23 November 2006
ALL SPARKS
"You're answering questions that have not yet been asked All sparks will burn out in the end "
I seem to be suffering from a low tolerance of fools at the moment. And living in the uk, there are plenty of fools around for me to be annoyed with.
I need to find some new music to listen to. Ive played the Hot new Puppies and the Metric cd`s to death, the Long Blondes album practicly lives in my player. If anyone has any music they want to recomend...then please do.
So.....what else is new with me?
I find myself having three whole days when my house is going to be empty next month. Maybe i should get all my blog friends to come visit for the weekend? :)
I think i`ll cut todays blog off at this point...as the only other things that i can think of today are all rants.
More soon.
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
Its all gone MYSPACE
i know that this post is VERY Myspace...but im tired. Im having trouble sleeping..and coming down with the flu.
even so...i want to keep making posts on here...but my head is all urghhhhhhh
So this will have to do for now.
More sensible posts coming soon.
Now reply to this.
Reply...OR DIE...hehe Current mood: sleepy
1. Who are you?
2.Are we friends?
3.When did we meet and how?
4.How have I affected you?
5.What do you think of me?
6.What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7.How long do you think we will be friends?
8.Do you love me?
9.Do you have a crush on me?
10.Would you kiss me?
11.Would you hug me?
12,Physically, what stands out?
13.Emotionally, what stands out?
14.Do you wish I was cooler?
15.On a scale of 1 - 10 how hot am I?
16.Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it
17.Am I loveable?
18.How long have you known me for?
19.Describe me in one word.
20.What was your first impression?
21.Do you still think that now?
22.What do you think my weakness is?
23.Do you think I'll get married?
24.What makes me happy?
25.What makes me sad?
26.What reminds you of me?
27.If you could give me anything what would it be?
28.How well do you know me?
29.When's the last time you saw me?
30.Would you have sex with me?
31.Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
32.Do you think I could kill someone?
33.Do you miss me?
34.Do you think I miss you?
even so...i want to keep making posts on here...but my head is all urghhhhhhh
So this will have to do for now.
More sensible posts coming soon.
Now reply to this.
Reply...OR DIE...hehe Current mood: sleepy
1. Who are you?
2.Are we friends?
3.When did we meet and how?
4.How have I affected you?
5.What do you think of me?
6.What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7.How long do you think we will be friends?
8.Do you love me?
9.Do you have a crush on me?
10.Would you kiss me?
11.Would you hug me?
12,Physically, what stands out?
13.Emotionally, what stands out?
14.Do you wish I was cooler?
15.On a scale of 1 - 10 how hot am I?
16.Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it
17.Am I loveable?
18.How long have you known me for?
19.Describe me in one word.
20.What was your first impression?
21.Do you still think that now?
22.What do you think my weakness is?
23.Do you think I'll get married?
24.What makes me happy?
25.What makes me sad?
26.What reminds you of me?
27.If you could give me anything what would it be?
28.How well do you know me?
29.When's the last time you saw me?
30.Would you have sex with me?
31.Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
32.Do you think I could kill someone?
33.Do you miss me?
34.Do you think I miss you?
Sunday, 19 November 2006
Fade to Gray?
or fade to grey?
of course...the proper spelling (and i cant spell for toffee) is grey. That is to say...the english spelling is grey. Gray is american. Which is why i picked Gray in my last post...because there would be more americans reading it than UK residents.
Another thing i like about the whole "going gray" thing is that the word gray can be used for someone unnoticed....a gray man. And when you leave SG you are no longer noticed. Which has a nice little feel to it.
Incase you were wondering about the picture above....its a cherry blossom. Im thinking of doing pics of different people that comment here. Watch out for a picture of a wren soon.
I was hoping that a friend of mine would be going to europe next month and had planned to get him to drop off some presents to friends off mine, but alas that has fallen through.
In my last week on SG (and yes...i promise to stop talking about it soon...but its been a big part of my life for a year...so it may take a week or two) i started talking to some really intresting people. Its always the way...you find someone to talk to just as you go.
This song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7XAlplRIKE
has been stuck in my head all day.
Gone man, solid gone.
i went gray. With a mixture of happyness and sadness. But i hope that the people that i will miss will come here and keep in contact.
And already im back to writing again. Sorted out some of my old stories, got rid of the rubbish, polished up some of the better ones. Starting to feel good about my decision again.
And already im back to writing again. Sorted out some of my old stories, got rid of the rubbish, polished up some of the better ones. Starting to feel good about my decision again.
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
November 14th
"Jesse: I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens. "
Ive started taking pictures again. Only little quick things, captured on my phone camera, but atleast im doing it. I`ll see if i can post some of them up on here. If nothing else youll get to see a little bit more of my enviroment.
Also...ive started to write again. As anyone that has ever looked at one of my journals knows, my spelling is terrible and my grasp of the english language is appaling. But i do atleast have the excuse that im dyslexic, so its not just lazyness.
But even so, i have always loved to write. Im the sort of person that ideas come to all the time. i wish i could draw, or paint, or sing, or some other creative thing. But as it is i have to funnel my ideas through writing.
I may post one of my stories here soon. Maybe the old first draft of a story that i wrote that has actually been optioned to be a tv episode (although ive heard nothing for over 8 months..so i dont think its going to happen)
Life in the UK is starting to get me down. Its turning into such a nanny state that you cant do anything without being told that its too dangerous...or not safe. I appreciate that there needs to be some control, but when they start having videos of bonfires and fireworks instead of the real thing, just incase someone gets hurt.
And the racial tension in the air, the anti gay feeling, the rich vs poor devide.
And more than anything...the slow slide into stupidity. I know im no genius....(well..um...actually i could get into mensa...but thats not what i mean)...but for gods sake. I work with people that are over 30...that have not picked up a book sense they were at school. The 20-30 year olds dont know film or music from before the time they were born.
I think one of the most dissapointing things i saw recently was this quote by a rights group complaining about the BORAT movie
"we understand that he is trying to make a comment about america...but we feel that most people are not clever enough to understand it"
So we are suppose to give up TRYING to do stuff that has a small amout of intelligence or witt or thought in it...just because most people dont understand it?
That really makes me sad.
Lyric for Today
"Some day I will find the secret
to your social chemistry
Then I'll print it on a t-shirt
and it'll make you want to be with me
If I wear it past your work
you'll see other guys are jerks
Much like pheromones for flies
you will not avoid my eyes
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you"
Ive started taking pictures again. Only little quick things, captured on my phone camera, but atleast im doing it. I`ll see if i can post some of them up on here. If nothing else youll get to see a little bit more of my enviroment.
Also...ive started to write again. As anyone that has ever looked at one of my journals knows, my spelling is terrible and my grasp of the english language is appaling. But i do atleast have the excuse that im dyslexic, so its not just lazyness.
But even so, i have always loved to write. Im the sort of person that ideas come to all the time. i wish i could draw, or paint, or sing, or some other creative thing. But as it is i have to funnel my ideas through writing.
I may post one of my stories here soon. Maybe the old first draft of a story that i wrote that has actually been optioned to be a tv episode (although ive heard nothing for over 8 months..so i dont think its going to happen)
Life in the UK is starting to get me down. Its turning into such a nanny state that you cant do anything without being told that its too dangerous...or not safe. I appreciate that there needs to be some control, but when they start having videos of bonfires and fireworks instead of the real thing, just incase someone gets hurt.
And the racial tension in the air, the anti gay feeling, the rich vs poor devide.
And more than anything...the slow slide into stupidity. I know im no genius....(well..um...actually i could get into mensa...but thats not what i mean)...but for gods sake. I work with people that are over 30...that have not picked up a book sense they were at school. The 20-30 year olds dont know film or music from before the time they were born.
I think one of the most dissapointing things i saw recently was this quote by a rights group complaining about the BORAT movie
"we understand that he is trying to make a comment about america...but we feel that most people are not clever enough to understand it"
So we are suppose to give up TRYING to do stuff that has a small amout of intelligence or witt or thought in it...just because most people dont understand it?
That really makes me sad.
Lyric for Today
"Some day I will find the secret
to your social chemistry
Then I'll print it on a t-shirt
and it'll make you want to be with me
If I wear it past your work
you'll see other guys are jerks
Much like pheromones for flies
you will not avoid my eyes
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you"
Sunday, 12 November 2006
The last week
My last week on SG.
i already feel like im having withdrawl symptoms....and i havent even gone yet. Although i also feel....more free.
But that isent what this post is going to be about.
What am i going to do with this blog?
Well...im going to use it to look at my life...or parts of it...and see what im doing with it.
Im going to use this blog to express my thoughts morer...get them out in the open instead of keeping it inside.
I might use it for story ideas...for publishing bits of my writing to see what people think.
Im going to use it to recomend films,books,music to the people that read it.
And i think i might even use it to keep posting my sets online.
So what do you think? is there anything else i should be using it for?
i already feel like im having withdrawl symptoms....and i havent even gone yet. Although i also feel....more free.
But that isent what this post is going to be about.
What am i going to do with this blog?
Well...im going to use it to look at my life...or parts of it...and see what im doing with it.
Im going to use this blog to express my thoughts morer...get them out in the open instead of keeping it inside.
I might use it for story ideas...for publishing bits of my writing to see what people think.
Im going to use it to recomend films,books,music to the people that read it.
And i think i might even use it to keep posting my sets online.
So what do you think? is there anything else i should be using it for?
Friday, 10 November 2006
A new start.
Well here i am. Days away from leaving Suicide Girls and already im blogging.
But atleast here im not distracted by other things, by intresting groups, by journals, by new sets. Here i can post what i want to say and leave it as that.
But i would still like you to post comments...and keep me up to date with whats going on in your life.
And you should all know my email:)
So starting from now you can expect many updates from me....keep watching.
But atleast here im not distracted by other things, by intresting groups, by journals, by new sets. Here i can post what i want to say and leave it as that.
But i would still like you to post comments...and keep me up to date with whats going on in your life.
And you should all know my email:)
So starting from now you can expect many updates from me....keep watching.